April 24, 2017

Time to welcome the ‘Flawlessly Naked You’ and meet the ladies that will help you kiss goodbye to your stubborn cellulite.

One of the great advantages of being a Londoner is that the weather doesn’t allow for much leg/ cellulite exposure. That said, by the time summer comes around, we are more often than not (or in my case always) confronted with the sad reality that we are not ‘bikini ready’ and that our Sunday brunch habit has transformed us into, what could best be described as a walking lump of jello harbouring a little too much orange peel – the kind that is slightly less flavoursome than the one used in our Cosmopolitan cocktail. Cocktails, a word which we can by the way scrap from our list of indulgences, along with Sunday brunch, as they have left us impaired physically and emotionally scarred.

With only very little time left before my Easter holiday, I was faced with the sad reality that no amount of Epsom salt baths and squats were going to prevent me from enduring the embarrassing sessions of contortionism in the sand to try and mask my cellulite dimples. I was therefore left with no choice but to start looking for a quick and effective fix. Of course  I don’t really believe that a miracle cure exists, but the Cinderella effect is  good enough for me!

As for the market choices, well lipo was not really an option – my pain threshold is similar to a 2-year old’s, and the balance of my bank account would not even have covered the cost of the anaesthesia. Creams have never really been effective on me and require a type of dedication no that many of us have, so this left me with the task of hunting down THE miracle cellulite assassin and ended up with three cellulite slayers. Remember Buffy ? Now apply that to cellulite! What did ever happen to Buffy by the way?

Meet the slayers!


1-Martine de Richeville

My first cellulite treatment experience was the Remodelage treatment created by Martine de Richeville. As the name suggests, the Remodelage is a manual remodelling technique, designed to reshape your silhouette and free your body of its toxins. This massage, inspired by Chinese medicine, works on the deep skin layers and older fat deposits. It leaves your body feeling balanced and the silhouette looking younger and more energised. These treatments are available in London, Paris and Geneva.

Price: £180 per hour full body

Sessions required: Twice a week 8-10 sessions

Pain: Bearable, although nothing like a soothing massage. Most painful part is around the knees.

Verdict: This treatment requires dedication as the effects are not noticeable straight away.


2-Hasti Parangi

My second experience was with Venus Ambassador, Hasti Parangi at the renowned Neville Hair and Beauty salon in Knightsbridge. Unlike the previously mentioned treatment, this cellulite removal method, called VENUS DIAMOND BODY MAGIC (which I tried on the back & front of my legs) uses a machine called the New Venus Freeze. This amazing body treatment uses radio frequency waves that heat the skin and cause the treatment area to get firmer.  After only two sessions your body will be sculpted to give you a more defined silhouette. Fabulous for those who find it hard to shift pockets of fat and water retention. This massage is obviously designed to reduce cellulite, shape and lift the buttock as well as give you a more defined waistline.

Price: £195 per hour for front & back of legs

Sessions required: 8-12

Pain: Pain Free, no down-time, feels rather like a hot stone massage.

Verdict: The most pleasurable cellulite slaying you can come across. Immediate results!


3- Fernanda

Fenanda, the word of mouth masseuse, was introduced to me by a friend who understood exactly what I was after. Ever hear your mother tell you, no pain no gain? I now understand why! This is by far the most painful massage you will ever endure, but weirdly enough you easily grow accustomed to pain. The masseuse herself is worth the session, she not only works on your cellulite dimples, really hard, she also mothers you and gives you a free life-coaching advice. Her massage which combines lymphatic drainage with friction, burning and massaging away any residual fat is carried out using her hands only. Fernanda will definitely be your number one love- hate relationship! Contact me by email for her details.

Price: £140 – 60 mins

Sessions required: 12 – 2 sessions a week

Pain: Teeth clenching / occasional swearing – Similar to your first integral bikini wax!

Verdict: You will learn about your body and see drastic results. This treatment helps boost bowel movements!! Occasional bruising may occur.


You Might Also Like

No Comments

Leave a Reply